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I am a wife, mother, and step-mom. I am not perfect, but try my best to reduce damage control. I have incredible family and friends that encourage us on this adventure. My mom always told me that motherhood isnt for whimps... and I couldn't agree more!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Singing the V-Day Blues?

I knew that Valentine's Day was coming up this month, and for a moment panic set in as I envisioned myself sitting at home on the couch crying my eyes out because I was going to be alone. I pictured that I would pick up my daughter from school and she would have oodles of Valentines from her classmates. We would share a nice dinner at home. And then from 8pm till I finally would be too tired to stay awake I would sit on the couch with a huge pit in my stomach, sadly sickened that I was alone and fearing I would be alone forever.

This was too much for me to endure after surviving the holidays alone- so I decided to make the most of my singledom and take on the roll of cupid!

I found a married couple that rarely gets time to themselves. I didnt have to look far really, I knew my sister could use the weekend away with her hubby. I have watched their kids before, and so I offered to watch them for a night. This made me feel really good knowing that I was helping someone else have that romantic moment. I realized I was not going to be allowed to sit on their couch sulking knowing they were having a good time while I was at their house alone. So- I made plans to throw an 80s dance with the kids that night at the house. I knew this would keep my mind off of my loneliness.

This just might be one of the many amazing things that my mom taught me growing up: When you are giving to others, it makes it hard to feel like you dont have anything. It takes your focus off of yourself and what you dont have, and puts your focus on others and how much you DO have.

Nonetheless, I do have to say that it is OK for there to be some sadness. I think as a society we tend to not know how to handle sadness and grief. We want to move past it quickly as if it is an emotion that should not matter or be addressed. It is normal to be a little bit sad that you were once married and are now alone. That you had that person that you thought was going to be your Forever Valentine and now they are gone. The fact that you are sad, shows that you really did care for that person. If they were an important part of our lives at some point, we wouldnt be sad but rather indifferent. You may not be grieving that person per say, but you are grieving those dreams that you lost. With this being said, I do think that it is important to not let this emotion to overcome you. Maybe set a certain time away for you to think about those things and give them validation. This will actually help you to keep your emotions intact and avoid becoming numb to the pain because youre not allowing yourself to address it. After the kids go to bed, plan on taking a bubble bath with some candles. I always feel better if I cry in the bath tub; and maybe because I know when I get out of the tub, it is time to rinse that bad mojo off and start fresh. There is something that is so incredibly hopeful about starting fresh.

Happy Valentines Day!


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