History Lesson from 1879: Learning to Determine True Value

She handed me a handful of change for her coffee while she was on her cell phone. At that time, I was working as a barista in a drive-thru. I handed her the coffee then began sorting out the handful of change. There it was. It was huge and really heavy. I had never seen anything like it before. I picked it up to look at it closer... I knew it was a silver dollar- but it was sooo much heavier than a silver dollar. The date read: 1879. I cant even begin to tell you how excited this made me. I am somewhat of a sucker for history. I immediately ok'd it with my boss to buy the silver dollar out of my drawer and took it home to research.

It was a Morgan Silver Dollar minted in New Orleans in 1879. There were 3 million minted that year. The edges of the woman's hair was worn down, and the edge of the flip side show considerable wear as well. I had it evaluated and it was determined to be worth a whopping $7.00!! Still, I couldnt understand why anyone would use it to buy a cup of coffee?! She obviously didnt see the full value of the coin.

I couldnt part with it in all honesty. I imagined that it was in the pocket of someone that survived the great depression. That when they wanted to spend that dollar, they rubbed it contemplating if the item they wanted to purchase was really worth the value of that hard earned dollar in their pocket. So I stuck it in a box in my filing cabinet instead.

Recently, I came across that box. I pulled it out and looked at it. I held it, letting my thumb rub the worn areas thinking of the overwhelming anxiety the spender must have had in those hard times. I know that anxiety over finances. Wondering if the questioned purchase was really a want or a need, was it worth the time it took to earn that dollar?

This is a question I need to start asking myself. I am the queen of impulse buys. I am not talking about the rack at the register full of goodies under $5.00 either... although some of those are pretty good purchases I have known to indulge in too. I get a random idea in my head of what I want to buy, and I become borderline obsessive. I have to have it. I have dug through my house before pulling out sticky change from between the couch cushions to buy that Victoria Secret Lotion I smelt days before at the mall, a new purse, shoes... the list goes on. Robbing Peter (the guy that works for the electric company) to pay Paul (the guy that works at Target) for that new DVD. That is bad, because usually the obsession heightens the value until the obsession ends. So the question that I need to ask myself with every purchase, "Is this a need or a want??"

With our household recent financial crisis, I have been posing these questions to my daughter: Is this a need or a want? Is it something that we already have in the house and/or can do without? Is there a less expensive form of what we want to buy? Why is it that we need to purchase this right now? Does the item's worth outweigh the valuable time to earn the purchase price?  (Sometimes it is slightly defeating to hear her answers... like when she thinks a box of Nerd candy is more important than our dreams of a vacation to Disneyland. But she is only 5! And I am 30 still making those same defeating choices!)

I believe it is important to learn from history so that it isnt repeated. I know personally, I do not want to repeat my history, or see my daughter make the same mistakes I have made. So I want to equip her with the knowledge I have learned the hard way. I want to teach her to work hard, and to see things for their true and long lasting value.

Although that Silver dollar was spent frivolously on coffee, and might only be worth $7.00 in silver, it has taught me and continues to teach me invaluable lessons that just might help change a generation.

 

Creating a Financial Team with your Child- Visual Budget

I did a bit of research and brain-storming to find ideas and resources to help my princess understand our financial boundaries and limitations and create a financial team.  I came up with the idea of creating a visual budget. This is a simple idea for children to understand the limitations of financial income and spending. (This actually really helped me visualize the money in actual places, rather than just numbers on a piece of paper.)

She was really excited about this activity! We practiced counting, adding and subtracting money. She saw what looked to be a lot of money- actually wasnt all that much after the bills were paid.

First, I used a standard budget form to get ideas of what expenses would be on a budget. I drew each one out in a picture for her to color. 

Once colored we glued them on to envelopes. I started with gluing one picture per envelope- but later found that I could seal the envelope shut, then cut it in half to create two envelopes from one. Frugal!

Next we glued them on to our board. (I used an old board we had around the house from when I was teaching her about eating all the food groups. We just tore off the old display and covered it in white paper again. But you can use paper... or even just find a blank wall to stick it to!)

We started at the Top with the Paycheck.

 Next to and under the paycheck we glued the more urgent and used financial categories (ie: Rent/Mortgage, Utilities, Car Payment/Insurance, etc)

 I found a PDF file online with kids cash to print out... So we printed some money and cut it up. WARNING:  This was exhausting and tedious without a paper cutter. If you dont have a paper cutter- try the dollar store for pretend cash... or maybe you have some old monopoly money laying around!

 The basics of it are easy. Using the play money, count out how much money was in your paycheck/bank account. That is all the money that you have to pay for bills needing to be paid. Then using the money in the PayCheck envelope, dispense the correct amount into the envelopes of the bills that need to be paid.

For example: If your paycheck was $800.00, count out $800.00 in bills. Insert that into the paycheck envelope and put the rest away.

Now, what bills need to be paid?
Electric: $50.00
Nanny: $250.00
Rent: $600.00
Groceries: $50.00

How much do you have left for eating out, new shoes, birthday gifts, and movies?

This really helped my princess see that we dont have an endless amount of money. There is no money tree that I am secretly growing in the backyard. So, when she asks me for McDonalds... and I answer no because we dont have the money for McDonalds, she now understands what that means.

 **If you are artistically challenged... I created PDFs for resources used on this! **

ALSO

***Play money I used to print out I found here!***

 

My Trouble with Finances!

I am a big Audrey Hepburn fan! If you have ever seen the movie Breakfast At Tiffany's... me and Holly Golightly have a lot in common (And not just in the man department!). I have never had a head for numbers. Math was the HARDEST subject for me in school. So, naturally, this carried over into my finances. I HATE numbers!

I am a hard worker and I actually like working! Before I married, the paycheck that I would bring home would certainly be squandered on mindless things, eating out, and of course IMPULSE BUYS! I justified this with the imposed entitlement that I had worked so hard and thought I deserved to treat myself to something special. I would then realize that I needed to pay my bills if I liked to have lights at night and warm water to shower in. So I would call up the utility companies and arrange a payment schedule to pay the bill later. Eventually later catches up with you!

When I was married, I was able to hold down a secure job. I often worked two jobs to make sure that our bills were paid, since the Mr. I-was-married-to often failed in that department. Before his psychological disorder was really severe, he was good at managing our finances. I would give him my paycheck(s), and he would make sure that the bills were paid on time and that we had a little in the bank to splurge on. I loved this! Even when I wanted something special I couldnt have, not being able to have it now was easier just knowing that we were able to save for it later together. We were a team working together for a common goal. I was no longer poor alone and didnt get that overwhelming stressed out pit in my stomach that I was going to wake up to no electricity in the house tomorrow.

As a divorced mom, I have found that I truly miss and NEED that team feeling in my finances. Personal confession: I have taught my daughter that when you have had a bad day- it makes everything better to go shopping. UGH! Right?! I have used retail therapy for almost three years now to help ease the pain of my failed marriage. This has only brought me more stress, anxiety, depression, and ultimately made me feel completely alone. I am embarrassed about my choices and hide them painfully from those closest to me. This makes me feel even further isolated. Bitterness begins to creep in as I get angry at myself and my ex for his inability to pay anything in child support. (Honestly, more money wouldnt matter if I cant manage it period, and I know this.)

I have avoided discussing finances with my princess fearing that it is one more stress to add to the plate a child should never have had to eat to begin with. In my attempt to protect her- I realize that I might be doing her an injustice. I am not giving her an opportunity to be strong where I am weak.

I also realize that by choosing to openly discuss my finances with her- it makes it not MY finances anymore. It is now OUR finances. I will gain a little team member to help us achieve the goals we want to set. I wont feel so alone anymore. No one is as honest as a child is- and this will help me keep things in perspective.

So I have chosen to find a way to create a team with her. I am researching ideas on budgets, savings, and helping her develop the concepts of how money is made and the value of a dollar.

My next post will include a project we are going to try to help illustrate to kids the concept of a budget and help them understand the value of a dollar.

If you have any ideas to help teach children how to manage finances- please let me know!! I love new ideas!

True Intentions: A Mother's Guilt

Babies come with oodles of warning labels: "Dont use pacifiers" "The breast is best" "Make sure to use Dreft detergent" "Dont burp that way..." "Hold the head"  "watch out for belly button" ... the list goes on. But the one that someone forgot to warn me about was the Mother's guilt. It was intense and would evoke me to tears on occasion. It could motivated me to go three days without a shower, spend sleepless nights rocking her, Work a 10 hour day to afford diapers, make sure she was content and full before touching my own meal, hold her hand in the back seat even though my arm was going numb... the emotion changed my life.

I got the job with the fire department when she was 2 years old. I was working long hours and had an even longer commute. My ex, then husband at that time was our daughter's care taker while I was working. I would come home to find him high and intoxicated. I knew without the drugs he was intolerable and had a temper that left bruises, both physical and emotional. I hated leaving her with him, but knew I had to provide for my family- because no one else could. I was afraid what he would do if I suggested we find a daycare for our daughter while I worked- and placed her in danger to avoid his temper. I had a lot of guilt over my long hours, her inadequate and abusive caregiver, my willingness to place her in harm to avoid his wrath... and that is when it started. I would come home with small gifts for her every day: M&M candies, candy necklace, PEZ candies, chapsticks, small flashlights... etc.

After we left her dad, it didnt get any better... in fact I am pretty sure that it got worse. Now, in addition to carrying the guilt of long hours at work, sacrificing her safety with knowledge of abuse, I also piled on the guilt of being an only parent, her grief for her absentee dad, my shattered dreams of raising my baby with a loving and doting father, my personal desire to have some adult time, added guilt when I yelled at her, guilt for feeling like I require too much of her... the guilt piled on my plate. I already was in the habit of bringing home small surprises for her, and with the additional guilt it felt easier to make her smile with a bag of Skittles. But it wasnt just a bag of Skittles... it was chocolate milk at bed, that toy, and that movie, and that pack of gum, and that dress-up makeup... I found myself bribing her all the time. This did not alleviate my guilt either; in fact I felt more guilty that I was bribing her, giving her unhealthy things to eat and drink, not teaching her a good work ethic, teaching her that instant gratification was best... I couldnt win.

After reading another mom's post regarding bribes and rewards, I decided on the following plan to wean myself of giving unhealthy bribes, and my daughter of expecting them.
To read the full post on why bribes are bad, and creative forms of rewarding check out this:
http://www.theidearoom.net/2011/06/are-your-kids-hooked-on-bribes-and-rewards.html

I took a baggie of pocket change and put it to good use. When she does something good, I will pay her... ie: putting her plate into the sink after dinner, picking up her toys before bed, and listening to her nanny while Im at work...

We cut a piece of paper the size of a small Mason jar. She decorated it with glitter, and stickers, eyes, and markers.

We used a small mason jar. This way it gets filled up quicker and is more encouraging.

This idea makes me smile too! It teaches her the value of a dollar, it can be hard to earn it... and even harder to save it! I really hope this works for us!! I will let you know how it goes!!